The Top 10 Reasons Alvin Greene Ran for U.S. Senate”
DISCLAIMER: The following does not reflect the personal views of Mitch Baroody. The content of the following top 10 list is meant for entertainment purposes only and does not present factual information, merely a fictional account, besides what is already known via public news media (CNN, FOXNEWS, ABC, CBS, NBC, The State). The purpose of this content is to bring humor to a very confusing situation and is not meant to be racist, a personal attack, or a stump for or against any particular candidate. Please keep this in mind when reading.
It has been a busy week for South Carolina. Nikki Haley and Gresham Barrett are set for the run off along with many others. This should be an interesting race and I urge each and every Republican to unify behind the winner. Even if we have certain established beliefs about the winner, certain ideas they don’t agree with, and even if they weren’t the first or second person we would support, the Republican Party must have little divisiveness and lots of unity to be successful this November.
The most interesting happening over the past week is the victory, from little known, of Alvin Greene in the Democrat U.S. Senate Primary. This has been the topic of many big news stories the past severals days. It has enraged Rep. Jim Clyburn and there has been a call for a full investigation as to who provided Greene with the 10,000 dollars he used for the filing fee.
The biggest question is, how a nominee was elected with a pending felony for obscenity on his resume. The story is, this guy showed pornographic photos to a young lady at USC and then asked to go to her dorm room. He was arrested as a result. The guy isn’t polished, gives a very poor interview, and is really quite funny to follow. I urge everyone to read more about this story if you don’t understand what is below.
To make light of this situation, I figured his candidacy needed a top ten list of explanations. Without further ado, here they are:
The Top 10 Reasons Alvin Green Ran for U.S. Senate
10. Because USC wouldn’t hire him as head of Public Safety.
9. He wants to have a wider audience, including 99 other Senators, to show his favorite “Computer Photos” to.
8. He is tired of Lt. Governor Andre Bauer referring to him as a “stray animal” because he received reduced lunch as a kid. He wants to become a Senator and have “Bauer ruled out of order for once.”
7. Tom Hanks told him he couldn’t grow up to be like “Bubba” because “Forrest Gump is just a movie. ” Greene abruptly “resigned’ from the military, ran for Senate, and plans to make a Resolution that will recognize Forrest Gump as a true story and not fictional entertainment.
6. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton broke into S.C. NAACP headquarters and destroyed his membership card. They told him he would have to find another club to join.
5. He saw that Mark Sanford, just a Governor, got an Argentinian mistress with South Carolinian’s tax payer dollars. He hopes to win a more powerful position, Senator, so that he can use tax payer dollars to get an even more “luxurious” mistress; he’s thinking Oprah.
4. He felt left out when Rep. Joe Wilson shouted “You Lie” at Barry-O. He wants the Congressman to pay him some attention and provide a shout out.
3. He wants to make a law that will allow felons to vote in elections so that he can vote for himself when he becomes Obama’s Vice-Presidential nominee in 2012.
2. Larry Craig told him how much fun it was to show pictures under Senate bathroom stalls…this seemed like a better plan than a USC computer lab.
1. He wants to be more credible than Will Folks and Larry Marchant so that Nikki Haley won’t turn him down again!
This is my list, tell me why you think he ran for U.S. Senate?
The Little Rascals: Spanky and the Gang
Tomorrow is the big day. The day everything changes or…..just begins again.
We will be electing more little rascals to follow a new Governor, their Spanky.
There are a lot of people asking me about this candidate and that candidate and who to vote for. So, I am going to give you my recommendations for the overall, BEST CANDIDATE for each job.
Governor:
Andre Bauer: Andre, the next Spanky, has the most common sense approach to fixing our problems. It starts with common sense, it ends with more jobs, economic growth, and South Carolinians that are a lot less government dependent. 
Andre walks the walk and he talks the talk. He’s one of the most transparent people in S.C. Politics. He has the experience to do the job right and you won’t be sorry if you vote for him.
Side note: Any of the candidates are better than train wreck in the waiting, Nikki Haley. Please do South Carolina a favor and avoid voting for her. She preaches transparency but she isn’t transparent, missed 70% of the House votes for transparency related bills, and she doesn’t know how to work with people (sounds eerily familiar to Mark Sanford) which is why she was reduced in leadership in the House.
Update: 8:09 PM Larry Marchant has passed a lie detector test confirming his physical relationship with the married Nikki Haley. This is the second lie detector test that has been released today. Lt. Gov Andre Bauer passed his test to confirm he had nothing to do with the spinning of the Haley affair. Looks like the wall is coming down on Haley guys!
Lieutenant Governor:
Ken Ard or Bill Connor: I worked for Ken and he is a smart businessman and he will do a great job for South Carolina. Ken knows business, he knows jobs, and he knows how to work with people. I have a lot of admiration for him and think he would do a good job.
Bill Connor is a fellow Citadel Alumni and he is a solid Conservative. Lately, he has taken a lot of heat from Larry Richter. The heat he has taken was not deserved and was WRONG. Larry has been disrespectful and anyone that has served in the military of any service or academy should be extremely upset. Bill was brave and served our country well and wants to be the same kind of leader in our State Senate. He would definitely shake things up. I urge you to read Ken and Bill’s websites to learn more about them. This is truly a preference position.
Side Note: DO NOT vote for LARRY RICHTER. His past of underhanded dealings, bribery accusations, removal from his judgeship, and accused drug use makes him a poor candidate. But his recent disrespect to Bill Connor makes him even worse. He has no respect for our military men and women. DO NOT give him your vote.
Attorney General:
Alan Wilson is hands down the best choice (read my article below for more details). His personality, military service, prosecuting experience, and burning desire to keep us all safe is just a few reasons that make him an incredible candidate.
His two opponents are great lawyers and would do a fine job as well. The difference in this race is that Alan Wilson won’t do a fine job, he will do a FANTASTIC job. South Carolina is better than fine. This state deserves FANTASTIC.
Superintendent of Education:
If you are looking for someone with more executive experience and a track record of success in fixing education problems, Gen. Mick Zais is your best bet. If you want a new type of candidate, a school teacher and conservative, Kelly Payne is a great choice.
Treasurer’s Race:
Curtis Loftis is the most conservative and responsible choice. Converse Chellis has wasted tax payer dollars for far too long, definitely isn’t a Conservative, and he was also sued for fraud, sexual harassment, and a poor work ethic by his former business partner (reportedly settled for over 250,000). However, Chellis is a pretty nice guy. Unfortunately, being a nice guy isn’t enough. Loftis is the Conservative and responsible choice S.C. needs.
SC 1st Congressional District:
Carroll Campbell III is the best choice for this position. He has the business leadership that will bring jobs and I-73 to Myrtle beach.
He is a solid Conservative, believes in his father’s philosophy of “Building Relationships” to get business done for his district.
Unlike other people running this election cycle, Carroll IS NOT a career politician. A great guy and he will be a great congressman.
SC 6th Congressional District
Jim Pratt: I shouldn’t be giving this race any credibility at all by posting it on here but I have been asked about it. There is no chance a Republican will EVER win this district. It hasn’t happened, it won’t happen this time, and it won’t happen in the future. It doesn’t matter who you are, how famous you might be, or how much money you have…it cannot be won! With all this in mind, if you have to pick someone, Jim Pratt is about as sane as it gets. Another positive note, he doesn’t refer to himself as “The Clint Eastwood of Marion.” Vote Pratt if you don’t abstain.
This is the rundown as I see it. I tried to be as fair as possible. Tomorrow, your vote is power. Exercise it wisely and remember, the choices you make have the potential to improve or cripple the Republican party. No longer can we afford to take steps back or continue doing the same failed policies of our current Governor. We need to move forward, reform our government, and get things working right for once. Most importantly, don’t believe someone’s lies just because you don’t want negative stuff about them to be true. In the end, the wall a lie rests on will not only crumple itself but those that stand near it.
By MEB
Evening Joe: A Heated Debate with One Clear Winner
This past month has been dogged with the Late Night crisis between Jay Leno and Conan O’brien. But apparently, the winds from NBC blew crisis to Charleston on Thursday night. Boy, was the beginning of the Gubernatorial debate interesting.
I sat down in my lazy boy, put my popcorn in my elephant container, and began munching down to Joe Scarborough’s sarcasm. Then a bunch of screeching, scratching, hair pulling, and silence took place. Not to mention, all of Nikki Haley’s speech was silenced. The TV then went blank. I thought of a few reasons this could have happened.
1. CBS affiliate executives have cut down power to preserve it for the upcoming “winter storm disaster” that is expected to hit South Carolina with ice and snow this weekend…we all know the dangers of 1-3 inches.
2. Maria Chapur became angry that she was not invited to be Mark Sanford’s female companion at the SCGOP luncheon in Charleston on Thursday. So, she made her presence known by knocking out the sound guy and hijacking the debate.
3. President Obama’s renewed hope and change from the state of the union was just to divert our attention from the 100% regulations he would now be having over TV stations. That means no more Republican debates and especially no more long narratives from Attorney General Henry McMaster.
4. The only other reason would be that they just had poor sound quality and they didn’t have it all together at first.
So, I stuck with the fourth reason, and it came back on at 8:30. All four of them ready to lead our state into the next decade or were they? So let’s go through each candidate and analyze their performance tonight.
First, I will start from the bottom with Gresham Barrett. As a Citadel colleague, I was really disappointed in his performance. Not that I was even supporting him, but you wish each other the best. Congressman Barrett was less than confident, and sometimes seemed more like a Southern Baptist preacher rather than someone ready to lead our state…amen?
What bothered me most was the defense of his vote for Socialism in the bailout/tarp saga. He consistently defended this vote and refused to back down. I am in disbelief that anyone claiming to be “The 4th most Conservative Congressman” could stand behind a vote like this.
Many in South Carolina’s conservative circles spoke with him the night before he voted and warned him…but he apparently knew best. Barrett went on to not answer questions, beat around the bush, and really did not establish himself as a credible candidate.
He seemed just like acurrent U.S. Congressman should: Uninformed and Out of touch. I am sure that is how many South Carolinians see him as well.
Next, let’s talk about General Robert E. Lee. Excuse me, I mean Attorney General Henry McMaster. Where do I begin…. the other candidates seemed to get tickled every time McMaster would speak. This in return, made things interesting. The only statement that stands out in my mind about him is that he has “the most executive experience” out of all of the candidates. I hear him say that in the midstof his Southern charmed, rambling. While he comes across like a Southern Gentleman, not even waving but bowing at the audience, he too seemed out of touch.
While I appreciate and respect his Conservatism and think he has been one of the best AG’s in S.C. History, I do not believe he showed he could effectively win against Vince Sheheen or Jim Rex tonight.
Often, he didn’t answer the questions, he went on random tangents, and he couldn’t break out of the box and be real with the people. He seemed too much like a polished politician and not a personable statesman that the people will need to move forward with the state’s problems.
Yes, the state should be open for business, but I have a feeling General Henry may open it for business by delegating a lot of the responsibility the way he does in the AG office. While it works as Attorney General, as Governor, we have seen the Department of Commerce’s unimpressive performance. We can’t afford another four years of relying on them.
He finally went on to talk about how he did a great job as Chairman of the Party to bring Republicans to victory. While this may have been true, he failed to mention the financial mess he left when he ran for Attorney General. After his performance tonight, I know one thing…I’m not lovin’ it. So, I don’t think I can “back that Mac” because it may look good, but the intentions it has for each and every one of us may not be so beneficial.
The biggest surprise of the night was Nikki Haley. The “daughter of immigrants” was on top of her game. She did very well. However, I will bring up a few shortcomings. She should have never answered the question about censuring Lindsey Graham. She said she would have! This makes her seem like she is not a compromising figure, something our state greatly needs in the Governor’s office. This is the one thing I will agree on with Senator Robert Ford, yes a democrat.
This also shows the lack of distance between her and Mark Sanford. She continues to keep herself close to “Sanfordesque” positions such as not accepting stimulus funds. The Nikki Haley Campaign analysis is pretty simple. Let’s look at the election between McCain and Obama. People were tired of Bush and tired of anyone similar and too close to Bush. McCain was not different enough. People voted for change because they were sick and tired of the same ole, same ole.
The same principle will apply to South Carolina this election cycle. The non-Sanford candidate is going to be the only hope for Republicans. Nikki Haley is too much like Sanford and will most certainly fail come primaries as a result of it. I see her poll numbers improving a little but she will never make it to the top when the general election comes around in November. Her message will resonate with tea party people and could surprise us come June, but she will never beat Sheheen if he wins the primary (which it looks like he will). However, her performance tonight should be admired. It was something to be proud of.
Finally, tonight’s winner……..Lt. Governor Andre Bauer, a true non-Sanford candidate. His confidence, clear and direct answers, and composure show his maturity from the last few years. Tonight, he was in his element and proved victorious. First, the bad. The hosts ganged up on the poor guy and pulled out all of the bad about him. They mentioned his recent “Animal-kid” comment and his driving record. Andre displayed a bit of arrogance to the female co-host when she lambasted him about the animal comment. He stated that a minority preacher asked him to speak at his congregation.
In response to the female co-hosts continued bullying, he replied, “I’ll give you his number if you want.” Even with this comment, he showed something special…”Straight Talk.” While John McCain often said he was all about straight talk, he hardly showed it. Tonight, a new bearer of this title is Andre Bauer.
When asked which Senator shared his ideology, he quickly stated “Jim DeMint.” He had an answer for everything. They were concise and easy to understand. No elaborate stories, no monologues from “God’s and Generals,” no over-doing religiosity, but just Andre speaking his convictions.
This is the type of Governor South Carolina has been itching for. Tonight, Andre Bauer showed his seriousness about the race. For a while, I had my doubts, but tonight I know he is ready to become Governor of South Carolina. There is no doubt.
If Republicans want to win in November, there must be a lot of thought to who that candidate will be on the other side. If it is Vince Sheheen, which I feel it will be, it will be a tough fight.
All jokes aside, these four candidates are great people. They all have excellent qualities with great intentions. However, when it comes to the difficult opposition this November, in the aftermath of Mark Sanford, the field will be extremely difficult. Too tough for the likes of Nikki Haley and Gresham Barrett. I believe the Attorney General and Lt. Governor are the only two that will stand a chance. While the Attorney General showed he is a good candidate to beat Sheehen, Andre Bauer showed he is the best candidate to not only beat the democrats, but lead our state with honor, integrity, and great vision for the next decade…for this…I salute the Lieutenant Governor.
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