Santa’s Clause: Invading our Civil Liberties?

With Contributions by Carissa Fazio

I was getting into the Christmas spirit this morning but also staying depressed with our government continually growing with no restraint.   It is hard to be merry right now.  Anyway, I happened to have a conversation with Carissa Fazio, who made some very interesting observations about one of Christmas time’s most legendary figures.  Then we realized, this figure is actually pretty creepy.  In fact, he isn’t so jolly after all.  Santa Claus has ulterior motives and they aren’t good.  Below are some of the observations we made….take a read for yourself and draw your own conclusions.

Santa Claus:

He knows your identity: For starters, Santa knows who you are. When constructing his list of good and bad children, he obviously has to know your name. He would have to know how old you are so he can deliver an age appropriate gift, and also where you live.   Does he have access to some magical database?  This brings up another thought provoking scenario.  Does the U.N. have a database of all world citizens and then hand this over to Santa?  How terrifying!

He knows what you do: Santa delivers gifts based on how good you are throughout the year. He is always watching you. Do not think you can hide what you do from Santa, he is going to find out. He knows when you hit your brother, steal a pack of gum, or color on the wall. He keeps track of everything you do on his list [next to your name].  This brings up the question, how?  My assumption is in the past decade, the Bush Administration started giving him the ability to wiretap anyone and everyone.  This made his operations easier.  Where is Lou Dobbs to stand up for our rights?  Furthermore, does Santa bug our houses?  For him to know these things, he would have to know exactly what we do in our homes.  Finally, he must have access to traffic lights and security cameras at every store in America at least.  This is a SEVERE breach of our Civil Liberties, yet, No One has stood up.  Democrats, you worry about the public option but your very rights to make one are in jeopardy!  Republicans, put down your expensive presents and fight for your rights!

He knows your sleeping patterns: He sees you when you are sleeping. He knows when you are awake. This goes hand in hand with knowing what you do, but on a creepier level. He knows if you are sound asleep in your bed, or sitting up with insomnia. Maybe he sends elves out to keep track of your consciousness status, aka the CIA, but still. Ultimately, Santa knows your sleep patterns.  If this is true, why hasn’t “Santa” given up Osama’s sleeping patterns over to U.S. special forces?  Apparently, President Bush nor President Obama have been very good boys.  But for every day citizens, the greater question is, does Santa monitor our dreams?  I sure hope not!  But if he does, this is such a violation of our rights….Santa the Fasicst is slowly bribing us with gifts, by seeing our greatest desires in dreamworld,  to eventually take over our world as the leader de-facto.

He sneaks into your house: This particular stalkerish act that Santa partakes in makes me thankful for a gas fireplace. We do not have a chimney for him to get down. But, what do parents tell their children who have gas fireplaces? Do they tell them Santa can still get in? Because that would honestly creep me out if I was a kid. “Don’t worry Junior, Santa will find a way to get in the house. He will check your bed to make sure you are asleep, and then leave your presents under the tree.”  Even the government can’t get into our house physically…how can a man like Santa?  I bet he gave the “White House State Dinner Crashers” some crazy tips at getting in the white house!

He likes kids: Maybe this is taking the whole stalker thing a bit far, but letting kids sit on Santa’s lap seems like a pretty weird tradition for him to start. Has the FBI not looked into this yet?  Sure, his white beard makes him look very innocent.  However, South Carolina Attorney General Henry McMaster should probably take Santa’s laptop and check it for “Kitty” material just in case.   Not saying Santa is guilty, but something is up.

So basically, Santa Claus is  the ultimate stalker. But more than that, he is the ultimate idea of “Big Government” and “Big Brother.”  Most people look at Santa Claus as a harmless figure to represent the joy of Christmas.  But is Santa really government propaganda?  Perhaps Santa is used by the government to get into the lives of every American.  If Santa can know when we are sleeping, know when we are awake, and know if we’ve been bad or good, why can’t the government?  The government’s role is to promote the general welfare after-all right? In many ways, they are on the same team.

Maybe the first line in the song Santa Claus is Coming to Town says it all…. “You better watch out.” Big government intrusion is coming into our lives this Christmas, next Christmas, and every Christmas after.  Santa is merely blackmailing every American and every citizen of the World.  He buys our allegiance and what do we give back?  More civil liberties….GONE!  Enough about Obama, what about Santa?  This Christmas, think long and hard before you put out the fire in your chimney or gas fireplace…..you may want to burn the real reason our rights are being taken away!

Have a Merry Christmas even if your merriness  is being watched and over-analyzed by a man in Red.